Talk Shop https://www.talkshop.company/ Fri, 04 Oct 2024 21:35:02 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.6.2 https://www.talkshop.company/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/cropped-bubble_square_512x512-1-32x32.png Talk Shop https://www.talkshop.company/ 32 32 AND THEN THERE WERE NONE https://www.talkshop.company/blog/and-then-there-were-none/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/and-then-there-were-none/#respond Fri, 04 Oct 2024 21:29:41 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=906 AND THEN THERE WERE NONE “You don’t know what you’ve got until its gone”….a phrase often used in a time of refection.  I typically write about the various ways that effective communication skills can enhance and empower the lives of today’s students….but this time I’m writing about something else. I […]

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AND THEN THERE WERE NONE
“You don’t know what you’ve got until its gone”….a phrase often used in a time of refection.  I typically write about the various ways that effective communication skills can enhance and empower the lives of today’s students….but this time I’m writing about something else.
I was born in Berkeley, Ca and raised in the east Bay Area.  I grew up a sports kid in every aspect and Glorietta Elementary School in Orinda was my stomping grounds.  A sports fan of all seasons…I’d  play mud football in the Fall, I’d play basketball on the asphalt courts and played baseball over the summer until it got dark.  As a kid, growing up in the east bay seemed as though it was the center of the sports universe.  The Golden State Warriors won the Championship when I was 9, The Oakland Raiders played in 5 straight AFC Championship games and won the Super Bowl when I was 10 and the Oakland A’s won 3 straight world series.  The Oakland Alameda County Coliseum was at the center of it all.
My dad would secure Raider tickets to one game every other year or so and would take me and my brother.
Driving to the Oakland Coliseum in the early 70’s was as an exciting adventure I could fathom. The grit, the energy, the aura and seeing a region full of civic pride.   Our seats were literally in the last row of the upper deck and I loved it.  I would ask my dad to point out the players and to point out head coach John Madden. As a kid, I would only go to a handful of A’s games but went to many more as I got older and could take BART.  Even more games when I could drive and tailgate with my high school buddies (oh the stories!). Same applies to Warriors games at the arena. I’d go to a smattering of games each year when I got older.  I also spent time at the Coliseum and Arena as a high schooler attending day on the green concerts such as The Who (supposed final ever tour in 1982!) and countless concerts at the arena too.
The memories were plenty.
But when I was in the 7th grade I got my first real dose of heartache….and no, it wasn’t because my 7th grade girlfriend broke up with me…well , that was heartache at the time!  The Raiders left Oakland for LA.  One word; brutal.  My young sports fan heart was ripped apart.  Too young to know what eminent domain meant and too emotional to understand and rationalize why my team was leaving me and all the loyal fans.  A true dose of “life sucks sometimes”.
The Raiders came back years later but the Coliseum was renovated and was never the same.
The Raiders left yet again for Las Vegas…..and the emotional wake the team left still has ripple effects to this day.
The Warriors had a rough patch between the time they won the championship when I was 9 and when they won it again when I was 49.  They left Oakland for a shiny new arena in SF.  Brutal yet again for the city of Oakland, and the fans.  Yes, they are at least still in the Bay Area…but its not the same, period.
Going as a kid to the Coliseum to see the Raiders and A’s play are memories I’ll cherish forever. Years later, I was fortunate to see the Coliseum in a different light.  When I was living in Bay Area and the 49ers were on the road, I would often get asked by Westwood One Radio to be a “spotter” for the national radio broadcasts.  Getting to work with producers and on air talent is always a thrill! Seeing the very outdated stadium from behind the curtain was eye opening.  The same press box where the voice of my youth, Bill King, would display his mastery of painting verbal pictures with his otherworldly descriptions of the game.
Walking through the same locker room where the players I admired as a kid got ready for history making games, all surreal.  Working the 2001 AFC Championship game that the Raiders lost the eventual super bowl champs Baltimore Ravens was wild.  Seeing Brett Favre (the day after his dad had passed away) and the Packers beat the Raiders on Monday Night Football in 2003 was epic.  Getting to meet John Madden, years after I used asked my dad to point him out to me from the last row back in 1973 and now getting to meet and take a picture with him…Just walking around the press box and down the field was dreamlike.
I have little interest to get into the weeds about city politics, taxpayer funding, greedy ownership and bad business decisions.  I’ll leave that for others who are more educated than me on those topics.   Rather, I’d like to focus on loyalty, passion, civic pride, and how sports is one of great equalizers that bring people of every walk of life, together.
Knowing first hand how the soul of any arena or stadium are the countless workers who give their all to be there and bring every event to life.  Ticket takers, ushers, grounds crew, stadium operations, security staff, elevator operators and the list goes on.
After my dad taking me as a kid, It was gratifying that I got to bring him on his birthday, to a 49er game in 1998, so he could see what takes place on a gameday.  Equally as gratifying that I got to bring my brother to a 49er game but most gratifying is that I get to bring my boys to one game a year, so they can see what I’ve been doing for 32 years and counting.
And then there we none…..all three major sports franchises I grew up with are gone and there are countless others like me, who had a huge part of the culture they were raised in, to have faded into history.

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Every Conversation Matters https://www.talkshop.company/blog/every-conversation-matters/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/every-conversation-matters/#respond Tue, 16 Jan 2024 18:43:29 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=896 Well, another holiday season has come and gone in the blink of an eye.  It seems like I was just setting up the fresh mini pumpkins to decorate my kitchen table for Halloween ’23 and now it’s the second week of ’24! This past Thanksgiving and December holiday season was […]

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Well, another holiday season has come and gone in the blink of an eye.  It seems like I was just setting up the fresh mini pumpkins to decorate my kitchen table for Halloween ’23 and now it’s the second week of ’24!

This past Thanksgiving and December holiday season was yet another first for me personally and I feel compelled to share my thoughts.

My oldest son was coming home from out of state, for his first extended college break and of course I was looking forward to being with him and spending as much time with him as possible.  Listening to him share all about how his first semester wrapped up, how his fraternity rush and initiation went and the assortment of “info nuggets” that flow over the course of the break.  My boys were 3 and 7 when divorce turned and twisted their lives (and mine) around.  They are now 15 and 19 and the journey has been…well a journey.

Every divorce creates its’ own waves to surf.  Some waves are huge and crash over you, making you tumble and scramble to catch your breath, while other waves are easier to ride out.  I feel that over the past 12 years I have leaned into the many waves head-on and have adjusted well over time.  For me, the scenario I was dealt enhanced my communication skills even more. Whether it was high emotion conversations or day to day chats…I realized that if I was clear and concise in my conversations, it would be beneficial

Splitting time with your kids is hard, period.  Now, I m not self-promoting myself here, just stating the facts.  I have always…and will continue to put my boys first.  I made this declaration front and center in my opening of my TEDx Talk I gave late last year:  https://youtu.be/2cU1FAJItFk?si=Gcp8rnlcU1dFu4Ul

My boys are my top priority, always have been and always will be and to be clear, sharing them is not always easy but it’s the right thing to do.
So, over the holidays I mentally prepared myself to make yet another adjustment, not seeing my oldest every day while he was home on break.  It makes my heart ache, but I told myself to make every conversation count.

The daily tidbits, the sports small talk, (or in our apartment, sports big talk!) the chats about his fraternity pledge class, his newfound interests on eating healthy, working out and the wide range of other topics that organically pop up.  Not being able to share those conversations daily was an adjustment…. because anyone who has a teen knows full well that there are days that sharing dialog simply doesn’t happen!

Without forcing anything, I did my best to make every conversation count.  What does that mean exactly?  To me it was, no matter if I was in the middle of sending a work e-mail, paying bills, or hustling around making dinner….if there was an opportunity for me to listen to my son, I was all in.  If there was an opportunity for me to connect with him on any topic, I was all in.  Didn’t matter about the topic, the time, or anything else.  It was about making him and our conversations a priority.  From this new experience, I have committed myself to make every conversation count, regardless of who it’s with or what it’s about.

Whether it’s small talk at work, deep conversations at home, or the variety in-between, in my opinion, they are all meaningful in their own way.  Will you make every conversation count in 2024?

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Big Ears, small mouth https://www.talkshop.company/blog/big-ears-small-mouth/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/big-ears-small-mouth/#respond Thu, 14 Dec 2023 18:57:55 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=893 10 tips for active listening Listening is an important skill in all areas of life, whether you’re a high school pr college student, or not.  Whether  you are dealing with colleagues or in family relationships,  most of us aren’t as good at listening as we’d like to think. When we […]

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10 tips for active listening

Listening is an important skill in all areas of life, whether you’re a high school pr college student, or not.  Whether  you are dealing with colleagues or in family relationships,  most of us aren’t as good at listening as we’d like to think.

When we show we’re really listening, it’s much more rewarding for the person talking to you, and you’ll get more out of it too. This is called active listening, and it can help avoid misunderstanding and reduce the potential for conflict or “drama”

Here are 10 easy ways to make your communication more effective and make the other person feel more valued.

1. Face the speaker and have eye contact

Eye contact is an important part of face to face conversation. Too much eye contact can be intimidating, though, so adapt this to the situation you’re in. Try breaking eye contact every five seconds or so, or to show you’re listening attentively, look at one eye for five seconds, then another eye for five seconds, then switch to looking at their mouth. When you look away, looking to the side or up is better than looking down, which can seem like you want to close the conversation.

Check your posture and make sure it’s open – avoid crossed arms or crossed legs, which can make you look ‘closed’ or defensive. Leaning slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting can show that you’re listening – as can a slight tilt of your head or resting your head on your hand.

2. “Listen” to non-verbal cues too

Pay attention to what the other person is saying with their body language

Facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures can tell you just as much as what is being said in words. Pay attention to what the other person is saying with their body language – are they smiling, for example, or are their arms crossed defensively, or are they rubbing their eyes as if they’re tired or upset. Even on the phone, you can learn a lot from the other person’s voice, which might sound subdued or upbeat.

3. Don’t interrupt

Being interrupted is frustrating for the other person – it gives the impression that you think you’re more important, or that you don’t have time for what they have to say. If you are naturally a quicker thinker or speaker, force yourself to slow down so that the other person can express themselves. Remember, a pause or a few seconds of silence doesn’t mean that you have to jump in. Letting the other person speak will make it easier for you to understand their message, too.

Even interruptions that respond to something that they’ve said can be distracting if it means the conversation gets sidetracked from what they were trying to tell you about. If this does happen, steer the conversation back to “So, you were telling me about…”.

4. Listen without judging, or jumping to conclusions

If you start reacting emotionally to what’s being said, then it can get in the way of listening to what is said next. Try to focus on listening. Equally, don’t assume that you know what’s going to be said next.

5. Don’t start planning what to say next

You can’t listen and prepare at the same time.

Active listening between family6. Show that you’re listening

Nod your head, smile and make small noises like “yes” and “uh huh”, to show that you’re listening and encourage the speaker to continue. Don’t look at your watch, fidget or play with your hair or fingernails.

7. Don’t impose your opinions or solutions

It’s not always easy, but lending a listening, supportive ear can be much more rewarding than telling someone what they should do. When a loved one has health problems is a time when they probably want to tell you how they’re feeling, and get things off their chest, rather than have lots of advice about what they should be doing.

In other areas of life too, most people prefer to come to their own solutions. If you really must share your brilliant solution, ask first if they want to hear it – say something like “Would you like to hear my suggestions?”

8. Stay focused

If you’re finding it difficult to focus on what someone is saying, try repeating their words in your head as they say them – this will reinforce what they’re saying and help you to concentrate. Try to shut out distractions like other conversations going on in the room. And definitely don’t look at your phone.

9. Ask questions

Asking relevant questions can show that you’ve been listening and help clarify what has been said.

If you’re not sure if you’ve understood correctly, wait until the speaker pauses and then say something like “Did you mean that x…” Or “I’m not sure if I understood what you were saying about…”

You should also use open questions where you can, like “How did that make you feel?” “What did you do next?”

10. Paraphrase and summarize

Repeating what has been said really shows you’ve been paying attention, and allows the speaker to correct you if you haven’t understood

Sometimes called reflecting, this is repeating what has been said to show that you understand it. This may seem awkward at first, but really shows you’ve been paying attention, and allows the speaker to correct you if you haven’t understood correctly.

If you’re not sure how to do this, try starting a sentence with: “Sounds like you are saying…”

And remember….practice makes perfect

Old habits are hard to break, so you’ll need to make a conscious effort to become an active listener. Try spending a week in which you summarize the main points or outcomes at the end of each conversation or meeting. This will help you get into the habit.

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A Main course of reflection, with a side dish of vulnerability. https://www.talkshop.company/blog/a-main-course-of-reflection-with-a-side-dish-of-vulnerability/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/a-main-course-of-reflection-with-a-side-dish-of-vulnerability/#respond Fri, 01 Dec 2023 21:22:25 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=891 Ad-just-ment;   noun – the process of adapting or becoming used to a new situation I want to start with this sentiment to make sure I’m very clear… I am very thankful for so much in my life. It’s been 12+ years since I learned I wasn’t married, and I experienced […]

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Ad-just-ment;   noun the process of adapting or becoming used to a new situation

I want to start with this sentiment to make sure I’m very clear… I am very thankful for so much in my life.

It’s been 12+ years since I learned I wasn’t married, and I experienced a “new first” this Thanksgiving.  My oldest son is now a freshman in college out of state (which by itself is a major adjustment for any parent) I wanted more than anything to be with both of my boys, all together, on my oldest sons first trip back home after leaving for college.

Divorce (with kids involved) doesn’t always allow for this type of convenience…being together, consistently, as a family.

I have made countless adjustments over the past dozen years and have learned to adapt to a variety of scenarios.  Some accommodations are more challenging than others and for a few reasons, this adjustment hit an emotional trigger in me.

My oldest has always been independent and he is learning to live away from home and is really enjoying the additional freedom this allows.  But not getting to see him regularly over Thanksgiving break was tough.  I am not looking for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on, but simply want to share and be vulnerable about how divorce continues to create an emotional wake in my life.

I learned early on with my two boys to give them the space they need, yet to be present for them and to connect at every given opportunity.  It’s never as easy as it sounds but not being with them all the time, I place an extra emphasis on making my time with them count.  This is a tricky balance as forcing conversations is not my style.

I do my very best to keep moving forward with the same consistent approach that has been invaluable to me. There is a term often used about kids of divorced families, called a “that child is from a broken home.”  I will admit that divorce broke and cracked me a little, but it did not destroy me.

This time of year, I am thankful for so much in my life and I am grateful for all the experiences I continue to navigate… as it makes me appreciate life that much more.

There are times I reflect to the summer of 2011, when my boys were 3 and 7, the divorce was finalized, and I dropped off my boys at summer day camp on a Monday morning.  I knew I wouldn’t see them for 7 days.  It was one of the most gut-wrenching moments that left a huge emptiness in my soul.  It was then and there I grasped how precious my time with them is.   For me, there’s nothing I enjoy more than spending time with my boys.  Divorce takes a toll for sure, but for me what it took was time away from my boys.

I was learning how to cope with time lost with my boys.  I can’t get it back; I just needed to find a way to accept it and make the most of what I have.  (easier said than done)  I was overwhelmed and had a good solid cry in my parked car at the day camp and I vowed to make the most of my time and to be even more consistent with my boys than ever before.  Consistently there for them, consistent in the way I connected with them and in the way I shared conversations with them (and in the way I listened to them!)

The ability to adapt, regardless of the situation, is one of, if not the most important skills in life.

The past 12+ years have only increased my unwavering commitment to be consistent with my boys.  The past 12 years have taught me how to lean into uncomfortable situations and get more comfortable with being uncomfortable. The past 12 years have taught me to love even more unconditionally than before, to care more deeply than before and to embrace being vulnerable.  I will hold myself accountable for some of the male stereotypes around not sharing my feelings, not asking for help and for keeping my struggles on the inside.  I did all those things.

I simply want to share the lessons I’ve learned that may help someone else.

Take the time to reflect…reflect on the way you show love, the way you care, take the time to show your vulnerability in your daily lives and take the time to create conversations and communicate with others in your life where they feel heard, seen and valued.

Maybe this blog post is my way of giving myself a pep talk to make myself feel better.  Maybe it’s my way of putting pen to paper (or tapping keys) to help keep myself accountable.  Maybe, just maybe it will spurn someone else on to write through their own challenges.  There is something unique about writing down your goals, feelings and challenges! (perhaps this is my own version of keeping a diary!)

I’ve been told that difficult times bring new opportunities.  I have learned that it is hard to open up my thought process, open my awareness, to the good that often times accompanies the bad.  It’s hard to be grateful for good elements of a difficulty we go through.  We all deserve a little time to wallow….but then what…??   I discovered that writing keeps me accountable.  It keeps me grounded and focused too. Writing, I’ve learned, gives me a chance to think broadly, to open up my brain to possibilities.

I have also learned that by writing, it hones my communication skills overall.  Both in the written word and verbally.  I have seen it time and again, those who rush to send a text or e-mail, or rush to judgement in face-to-face conversations…without taking a pause to gather your thoughts.   The words we use have impact and we really need to use them wisely!

Studies have shown that writing about our emotions can not only heal stress and trauma but also boost the immune system.  Additional research says that taking notes, longhand with pen and paper is more effective than computer note taking for storing information because typing results in shallower processing.

Question for you?

Does this ring true for you?

 

Change is constant.

Life involves constant reassessment.

Difficult situations will arise…but if we are consistent and adapt to find ways to move forward with some sense of positivity, we can be good to ourselves and those we care about.

Every morning we wake up and get the chance to be different, a chance to change and a chance to better!

What are you wanting to change?

What are you looking to be better at?

What do you want to do differently?

 

I look forward to any comments you may have.

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12 Habits Over a Dozen Years https://www.talkshop.company/blog/12-habits-over-a-dozen-years/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/12-habits-over-a-dozen-years/#respond Tue, 05 Sep 2023 20:11:24 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=882 My oldest son recently moved out of state to start his college career, and I have found myself in a very reflective mood the past few weeks.  Not only have I been thinking about how I have done as a father, preparing my son to leave the nest, but I’ve […]

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My oldest son recently moved out of state to start his college career, and I have found myself in a very reflective mood the past few weeks.  Not only have I been thinking about how I have done as a father, preparing my son to leave the nest, but I’ve also been thinking about how I have developed personally over the last decade (plus a few years!).

It’s been 12 years since I learned I wasn’t married anymore.  So much has happened in the past dozen years that it would be impossible to concisely summarize the range of emotions I have experienced.

Whether you grieve the loss of a loved one or grieve the loss of a relationship, over time you mourn in your unique way, and ever so slowly move forward.  A divorce (especially when there are kids involved) has its peaks and valleys.  Just when you crest one big hill, you can get another gut punch that pushes you back down.

For me, those punches don’t come in physical form, but rather mental body blows that, simply put, have caused me to slip a little down the hill I so badly want to climb.

Men who go through divorce are stereotypically challenged in many ways.  I will be accountable for many of the stereotypes…such as often holding my feelings inside, not talking as openly with others about how I was feeling and most importantly, not asking for help when I could have benefited from having someone to talk to.

Over the past decade of personal development, I have learned more about myself …and in addition, I have learned about others.  And now seems like the right time to share a short list of the top 12 lessons I have learned over the past dozen years.

  1. Regardless of how steep or how many hills there are to climb, it’s amazing what happens when you keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. (regardless of how many gut punches you take, it’s how you get back up and handle yourself that matters)
  2. With all the inconsistencies there can be with two distinctly different parenting styles, I have learned to be consistent in my approach and to stick my guns.
  3. With the lack of uniformity there is with the shifting of two boys (now one) back and forth from two different environments, I learned how important it is to be present for my boys.
  4. With the lack of harmony there can be with raising (and maintaining) my boys with their culturally Jewish roots, I have learned to be consistent in leading by example.
  5. With an erratic nature of some of the keys of early-stage parenting, I have learned to showcase appropriate basics like table manners, proper hygiene, open and honest communication, and overall respect for others.
  6. I have learned how important it is to listen to my boys. To let them talk openly, without judgement in mind….without interrupting them (or minimizing it at least!)  Building trust, one conversation at a time.  The concept of; “connect first, then correct”, has worked very well for my two boys.
  7. I have learned that when parenting styles clash or are different, the kids often bear the brunt. They get mixed messages which can cause confusion.  I learned to double down on being as clear and consistent as possible during every single conversation I have with my boys.  This has helped to alleviate confusion.
  8. I have learned there are instances when biting your lip is better than saying something in haste. Once it’s out of your mouth, it’s tough to retract it!
  9. I have learned how important it is to find outlets that keep your brain and body as healthy as possible….I have always enjoyed the gym but it became even more of a focus the past 12 years
  10. I have learned that as uncomfortable as it is/was to unite for the sake of my kids, that it’s the right thing to do.
  11. I have learned to be comfortable with the uncomfortable!
  12. I have learned how important it is to communicate clearly in a variety of settings. High stress, conflict, different personalities and more.  I have also learned that there is no “one size” fits all communication style.  When I truly dial in and listen first, I can learn how best to communicate in each and every unique conversation I have with my boys.

     

    Have I mastered any of these lessons?  In short, no, I have not.  I’m a work in progress and continue to refine my personal development, one conversation at a time.  If you’d like to watch my recent TEDx Talk, you can watch it here:

    https://youtu.be/2cU1FAJItFk?si=JiVj8ldbZ7_0jssR

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    RESILIENCE AND PURPOSE https://www.talkshop.company/blog/reselience-and-purpose/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/reselience-and-purpose/#comments Tue, 12 Apr 2022 21:22:07 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=836 This is by far the most vulnerable I’ve been in any of my writing.  Somehow this feels like the right time to open up a little.  And at the same time, I want to share some of my story because it ties in directly to my mission of Talk Shop […]

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    This is by far the most vulnerable I’ve been in any of my writing.  Somehow this feels like the right time to open up a little.  And at the same time, I want to share some of my story because it ties in directly to my mission of Talk Shop and the “WHY” behind what I do.

    Rarely do I like to talk in cliches, but I want to start with one.  You need rain and sun to grow.  (I’ll come back to this cliché in a bit) It’s hard to believe but I have crossed over the line…the threshold of having been divorced for as long as I was married… (side note: do I get a door prize?)

    For those who don’t know my personal parenting journey, I was dealt a divorce 10 years ago, when my boys were the tender ages of 3 and 7.  I’d like to share a little about what I have learned and what it continues to teach me. (Mainly about how pivotal effective communication skills are in life).

    While enduring the ongoing existence of a divorce isn’t the most pleasant thing I get to experience, I have learned a lot.  It has also put me in a position to learn a lot about myself.  As the expression goes, “time is a great healer” and indeed time allows me to continue to heal, to reflect, to learn, and to adapt.  My journey through marriage, becoming a father, divorce and co-parenting have all been ripe with ups and downs.  Complete with a full range of emotions that are wide ranging.

    For me, it’s an ongoing journey of managing the ups and downs all the while being consistent for my boys.  What does this mean exactly?  It means I strive to be consistent in the way I parent overall, the way I listen, the way I’m present, and the way I communicate with them.  Is it easy?  Not all the time.

    This article would carry on way too long if I listed all the lessons I have learned through this ongoing journey but I will do my best to summarize.

    I have learned to navigate this ongoing aspect of my life the same way that I manage any type of business or social relationship and the numerous types of conversations that they require.  Whether I’m having a highly emotional conversation at work, resolving conflict or simply having a direct chat with my boys, I strive to be consistent in my approach.  I listen first, ask questions if need be, to fully understand someone else’s perspective and then I respond.  It seems like such a simple method but we all know there are many who do otherwise.

    Afterall, we all want to be heard, we all want to be understood, right?

    I have learned to communicate even more clearly than ever. If it takes a minute or two to gather my thoughts before I talk, so be it.  I’ve learned Its better then rushing to respond without thinking clearly about what I’m saying.   I have learned to ask questions to get clarity, numerous times, if that what it takes for me to understand someone else.  I have learned that listening more and talking less is often times the best approach.

    I have learned how important listening is.  I have learned this from very difficult conversations I have had (and still do have) with my ex-wife, especially conversations I didn’t want any part of.  I’ve also learned this during conversations with my boys as they were growing up with divorce swirling around them at a very young age and asked me many deep questions about what it all means.  With my boys especially, simply letting them talk and listening to them was and will always be essential.  Acknowledging them, letting them know its ok to share how they feel and to start talking about what they feel inside.  My boys needed to be understood and I wanted to understand them and listening is pivotal in order to understand someone else.

    I’ve learned that at times, answering tough questions as directly as possible will be best.  I’ve learned there are times where offering more detail is important, while keeping it to the point at the same time.  I’ve learned that incorporating these guidelines into every conversation will support me to be consistent.  Equally as important, I have learned to execute this consistency not only in my face-to-face conversations but in the way I communicate online too.  There are times a quick text or e-mail can be effective and there’s times where it will backfire and cause a disconnect that could have been alleviated.  My divorce has brought some highly emotional conversations…and its easy to dash off an e-mail and hope the message lands as you intended it to.  Let me tell you, it doesn’t work!  (it’s not realistic to talk to an ex-wife or ex-husband every single time an issue comes up) but it would help greatly if you want to be understood.

    I have learned that what (used to) hurt doesn’t matter.   I’ll be honest, there were years it hurt to not have an outside source of validation as to how I was doing as a dad.  In the ever-increasing social media world we all live in, seeing others be lauded by their wife or partner on father’s day for example, and not being recognized was tough at first.  Nine years of coaching my oldest in youth baseball and football and not be recognized for all the time, effort, and commitment that other dads would get, was tough at first.  I never signed up to be a dad to get recognition from anyone…I’m simply stating how those initial first years of divorce were very alienating.

    A recent University of Pittsburg (Center for Research on Media, Technology and Health) study reveals that the more social media we use, the lonelier we are likely to be.  The study goes on in detail about the “social comparison” on social media.  The impressions from the outside can easily be “I can’t measure up with what seems to be the less than normal life I lead.”  The study concludes that social media use contributes enormously to people feeling alone.  Now, it’s very easy to point fingers or to blame technology (social media) on the increase of loneliness, but I want to own the fact that it played a part in how I adjusted my life.  I learned over time that I don’t need anyone else’s recognition let alone over a post on social media about who I am as a dad on Father’s Day or any other day for that matter.  Seeking validation from others doesn’t matter to me anymore.  Did it hurt, yes, initially it did.  Time has helped with this.

    I’ve learned to manage what I can and cannot control.  Divorce takes an emotional toll on me, no hiding this fact.  I do my best to stay grounded for my boys.  In a way it is a lot like hitting a reset button every time my boy’s transition back to me after a week away.  Resetting my connection with them, readjusting the simple things in life like parenting them to have good table manners, not to interrupt during conversations to name just a few.  Divorce can create many gaps that need to be consistently bridged.  I have stayed true to my “connect first, then correct later” approach.  And boy oh boy is consistency ever needed in raising kids!

    Communicating with clarity and impact is always the centerpiece of my life.  From my business background to my work with the 49ers, to the way I communicate with my boys, communicating clearly has always been a focal point for me…and the lessons I learned and continue to develop have propelled me to launch Talk Shop.

    Divorce can be unsettling to say the least. Parenting can be challenging even while in a healthy relationship let alone a broken one.

    But through my lens, I believe divorce changed my life in some positive ways. It made me a better human and brought me back to my original purpose.

    To help others.

    Adversity hits us all in different ways…when it does hit you and it feels like the rain cloud is directly over your head, remember, it takes a little rain and a little sun for us all to grow.

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    It takes a village https://www.talkshop.company/blog/it-takes-a-village/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/it-takes-a-village/#respond Thu, 16 Dec 2021 17:23:25 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=818 I am sure you can agree 2021 was another challenging year full of ups, downs and unknowns. Talk Shop continues to innovate and adapt to the ever-changing circumstances of the pandemic – which makes effective communication skills even more pivotal. One of my initiatives this year is to build awareness […]

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    I am sure you can agree 2021 was another challenging year full of ups, downs and unknowns. Talk Shop continues to innovate and adapt to the ever-changing circumstances of the pandemic – which makes effective communication skills even more pivotal.

    One of my initiatives this year is to build awareness of my mission:  “Developing today’s students to communicate clearly and confidently regardless of the situation or setting.”  I truly enjoy delivering dynamic real-world experiences that build confidence and leadership. As I continue to strive to share my vision with high school and college students everywhere, I could use your help. It takes a village to build a business from scratch and getting the word out is instrumental. I am hopeful you will share this post with your circle of connections.  
    Students who develop strong communication habits now will have the skills they truly need…and the skills that make a real difference!
    I truly appreciate your support.
    With gratitude,
    Matt

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    Communication is Everything! https://www.talkshop.company/blog/communication-is-everything/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/communication-is-everything/#respond Wed, 16 Jun 2021 00:33:30 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=772 Teens today face many obstacles and challenges and parents want to discover how to unlock their child’s greatest potential.  And before I go any further, I want to let you know I am a parent of two teens myself! As parents we want only the best for our kids but […]

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    Teens today face many obstacles and challenges and parents want to discover how to unlock their child’s greatest potential.  And before I go any further, I want to let you know I am a parent of two teens myself!
    As parents we want only the best for our kids but anyone who has parented or is currently parenting teens, knows full well there are challenges along the way.
    Many parents see that their teens struggle with effective communication skills.

    ❎ Using as few words as possible when they speak.

    ❎ Thinking they can rely only on text, DM or social media to communicate.

    ❎ Not seeing the long-term value of how effective communication skills will help them dramatically.

    ❎ Having a lack of practical experience sharing “real” conversations.

    ❎ Not understanding they need to communicate clearly and confidently with coaches, tutors, to build relationships, with college admissions officers, in interviews and more!

    There are many factors that contribute to this common issue.

    Confidence is one issue preventing students to communicate effectively, regardless of the situation or setting.  Confidence comes from practice and practicing good communication habits now will set them up for success.  Implementing these pivotal skills NOW will be a true differentiator in the near and long term!

    We all want our kids to be confident and successful right?

    The techniques that I use as a communication coach are designed to develop teenagers to build confidence and motivation.  Having them understand what’s at stake, why it’s important and how to develop clear and confident communication skills, regardless of the situation or setting.

    The benefits of communicating with confidence are endless.   Confidence creates motivation.

    When a teen is confident, they are motivated to perform better in all facets of their life; in school, sports, and extracurricular activities to name a few.

    If you are ready to invest in your child’s communication skills, let’s set a time to talk about my group and private workshops so your student can start the journey to developing key life skills.

    Contact me direct to set a time to talk:

    matt@talkshop.company

     

     

     

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    Its time to build effective communication skills! https://www.talkshop.company/blog/fundraising-and-summer-workshops/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/fundraising-and-summer-workshops/#respond Mon, 31 May 2021 17:21:20 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=762 Are you searching for something a little different than the ordinary FUNDRASING EVENT?  What about offering a dynamic experience for your high school students?   Would having an event that raised money for your organization AND offered valuable life skills be a fit? Talk Shop will donate a percentage from every […]

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    Are you searching for something a little different than the ordinary FUNDRASING EVENT?  What about offering a dynamic experience for your high school students?   Would having an event that raised money for your organization AND offered valuable life skills be a fit?

    Talk Shop will donate a percentage from every student registration directly to your organization!

    SUMMER WORKSHOPS:

    Many students could benefit from refining and improving the way they communicate!   I think we can all agree that communication is everything!   In every interaction we have it’s not what you communicate but how you communicate it that makes all the difference.   Developing effective communication skills at home, in school, with college admissions officers, in relationships and in interviews.  There is no better way to differentiate yourself than to be able to sustain clear and confident conversations, regardless of the situation or setting.

    Click on the flyers for more info!

    Fundraising:

    And for those who have students who are on a job search, here is a great on on demand resource!   The focus is on how to articulate your brand (or how to create your brand if you don’t one), how to start to network, how to leverage your network if you have one, and how to present your unique “story” when given the opportunity.

    This course is also available online, accessible anytime!

     

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    Restoring conversations https://www.talkshop.company/blog/restoring-conversations/ https://www.talkshop.company/blog/restoring-conversations/#comments Tue, 04 May 2021 19:58:31 +0000 https://www.talkshop.company/?p=724 Today we are living in the “digital disruption era.” Technology has provided us with unprecedented advances, information, instant access, and entertainment. As convenient as all the tech advances make our lives, they also have changed the way we communicate and have led to a dramatic decline in our “people skills.” […]

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    Today we are living in the “digital disruption era.” Technology has provided us with unprecedented advances, information, instant access, and entertainment. As convenient as all the tech advances make our lives, they also have changed the way we communicate and have led to a dramatic decline in our “people skills.”

    The scale has been tipping to high tech and low touch for years now. As a result, real tangible conversational skills have been fading and need to be restored now more than ever.
    I’m a parent…do you see what I see?  I often see teens with their heads down and staring at their screens.
    Do you feel like I do? That too many people (teens, young adults and parents too) live in a screen driven world. Where has small talk gone? Where has the art of sharing a two-way conversation gone? (talking AND listening)
    Whether its small talk (ex: meeting someone for the first time) or a having a difficult conversation you know you should have, there is a real apprehension around having live conversations, over the phone or in person.

    Those who understand that human connectedness is the most important part of any experience will flourish. Personally, and professionally, success is about creating and building human connections. Conversations are the foundations of these connections.
    Technological advancements are critical to many businesses staying relevant, I get it… However, technology by itself is not a differentiator. The more you place technology between people, the more you remove the human experience. For anyone to thrive in the future, they will have to master the art of relationship building. Since technological advancements have come at the expense of human connections, people now need to reinvent their way of life in a way. Finding the balance of digital and human experiences in the best way possible.

    What Is Talk Shop?
    Talk Shop is designed to solely develop life skills for today’s students, so they become clear and confident communicators, regardless of the situation or setting. Collaborative workshops for high school AND college students to support them being prepared for the game of life.
    Talk Shop is about building a culture that recognizes the importance of developing these valuable skills that students can put into action right now but also serve them well for the rest of their lives. The ability to communicate effectively is the biggest differentiator you can have. In school, in relationships, as part of a job search and much more. Conversations are at the center of all we do. Are your students prepared?

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